Falling in love is a deeply personal thing; for some it’s quite easy and, for others, it seems as though it will never happen. You meet someone, get to know them and the next thing you know, you’re looking at them with a brand new set of eyes. Could they be “the one”? The answer is maybe, maybe not. If you’ve fallen in love, what do you do now?
1. Be Realistic
the beginning of a relationship is full of heady, breath-taking excitement. You’re getting to know someone new, they’re asking you a hundred questions about yourself and every day is as good as the last. What happens after you know all of his favorite foods and you’ve learned everything about her childhood? If you don’t share a deeper connection, you’ll find that your relationship soon comes to a grinding halt. So, enjoy the newness while it lasts but keep in mind that you may simply be in love with love.
2. Evaluate Your Desires
when we’re single and lonely, it’s very easy to think about what we want for our futures but when we fall in love, it’s a different story. It’s quite easy to toss all of those plans you had for yourself out of the window in order to make a relationship work.
Do you want to get married? Are you anti-marriage? Do you want children? Do you want a career? While you may not discuss these things in the first week of your new relationship, they will have to be discussed. It makes no sense to spend years with someone only to find out that their goals and desires are not in line with yours.
3. Don’t Lose Yourself
Men and women alike tend to lose themselves in a new relationship. Their sole focus becomes their new partner. This is fine, and even encouraged, for the first several months of a new relationship but after that, it’s time to get back to you. Remember: you had a life that you enjoyed before you met this person. You had friends, work and maybe even school. Don’t neglect the other aspects of your life; they may be there long after your new partner is gone.
4. Work at It
a relationship takes work and lots of it. Once you’ve moved past the initial phase of your relationship, you’ll need to work at it to keep it exciting and fresh. If this is, in fact, the person that you will be spending the rest of your life with, make a sincere effort to keep your love from fading. Communication and attention are the two areas that couples tend to have the most trouble with long-term. Brush up on your communication skills and do small things to let your partner know you’re thinking of them. Both will go a long way.
5. Don’t Be the Cow
there’s an old adage about not buying the cow when the milk is free. If you want to get married and your partner doesn’t… don’t settle. Don’t fall into the trap of living together for years and being “almost” married. Adults don’t change drastically. Someone that doesn’t want to get married and have a family doesn’t wake up one day wanting six kids and a dog. If you’re partner doesn’t want the same things out of your relationship as you do: move on!
Falling in love is fun and you have every right to enjoy yourself. Just be aware that you aren’t in high school anymore; your new love shouldn’t change your life but enhance it. If you’re smart about your relationship and realistic about its course, you just might find yourself with something that lasts.
Marriage Counseling is something close to Marilyn Murphy’s heart, since it helped save her parents’ relationship and kept her childhood home intact. How to fix a relationship became a real focus of interest for Marilyn, as she furthered her education in helping others achieve positive outcomes.