Bored with Santa Claus? Vote Chris Christmas Rodriguez!

Okay, he’s one of the nice guys. He’s a compassionate long-bearded chubby old man who goes out of his way to make other people happy. He travels at rein-deer speed on Christmas eve and goes down each chimney to pack every stocking across continents in the so-called modern world. He’s an all around good sport, dear old Santa Claus… but don’t you ever find yourself wishing he wasn’t so bland and cheery? I mean, he’s not even realistic as a person, and he’s clearly a product of our fast-paced consumerist society. I tell you, when we strip him of his red robe and self-imposed righteousness, Santa Claus is good for nothing but deception and nourishment of infantile, unrealistic dreams.

So, let me tell you about Chris Christmas Rodriguez, who’s basically a younger, more in-your-face version of St. Nicholas. No, Chris doesn’t dress in red. No he’s not chubby and he’s definitely not kind; no he’s not out to distribute presents. Rather he’s charming, charismatic and strikingly latino; one could actually say he’s the latinest of them all; Brute, blunt, straightforward and harsh, this Chris Christmas Rodriguez is out to deliver truth, and seduce some nice women in the process. This is a Santa Claus for the new millennium, and it’s a Santa that we all can relate to: realistic and down-to-earth. I wish there was more information that I cold offer, but Chris Christmas is more about flair than facts… so vote Chris for Christmas, and enjoy a white cool season!

Chris “Christmas” and the cheap aftershave: